oh how i wish...

someone would have told me how incredibly important it would be for me to pick a specific career in my mid-20's, get an extra degree so i would have a real career. i'm sure some hinted about it but it wasn't loud enough.

but would i have paid much attention? i dunno. maybe this was something i needed to learn on my own. i've worked all my life-started babysitting at 11. even in school i was also babysitting when i wasn't dancing or cheerleading. i guess i assumed i'd always be working.

now that i've aged, i see people my age making double what i do. what is their special power? some it's luck but others have gone back to school. i need to figure out my future job life. if i actually had a passion for something, it would be helpful. honestly i have no desire to work. we banter the idea of opening a coffee place someday. that i would love. but right now-economically there are no loans or help for small business start-ups to be had. i hope that'll change with the new president.

if the business was our own, work wouldn't feel like work. then i'd be a boss too. i envy V so much with her place. someday i'd love to do my own. we watch enough gordon ramsey to make sure the shop wouldn't fail due to management problems.

it's just so daunting out there with all the craziness going on. i can't handle my current job anymore. there is no future in it so at least i don't feel like i'm cheating myself in some way. once the old ladys dies, her son plans to sell the business. plus no medical, overtime or paid days off and i get to work sat half days! lucky me. lets just say, the job has NOT turned out to be what they posted on craigs list. i've never had the feeling i needed to bolt from a job so fast, so i'm taking that as a sign.

the sacrifices i make (and N) to live in a place that makes me so happy...but jobs that are lacking. the easy route is always move back north, live cheaper and have 8 months of rain depression. i don't know. all i know is we've signed on for 14 months more down here...then we'll have to see where we're at.
i guess i'm rambling. i'm just in a funk. any ideas are appreciated..or job leads!